Thoughts Appear

Riding a mechanical bull is difficult business. There’s no saddle, stirrups, or horns to help you stay on. (Horns tend to poke drunk people’s eyes out.)

Also, the bull is super smooth and slippery. Imagine a Slip N’ Slide in the shape of a bull and covered in beer instead of water. (Oh, God, I hope it was beer.)

Here are the steps I recommend for maximum riding time:

  1. Start the evening off with a text from The Hipster herself wishing you luck.
  2. Eat a light dinner (so there won’t be much to throw up).
  3. Have a curiously strong drink.
  4. Have 2 more curiously strong drinks.
  5. Wish you’d eaten something more substantial for dinner.
  6. Watch everyone fall off the bull in the first 2 seconds.
  7. Pray that you make it to 3 seconds.
  8. Watch one girl spend 5 minutes just trying to get on the…

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